Its been awhile since I have been on Deviantart. I graduated with my BA degree, YAY ME! Directly after that I moved across the country, during the move I broke my wrist. Not Fun /sadface. Hopefully that will get better soon and things will get back on track.
Had a rough day today, last week of classes of the last week of my college career. Graduating next week, YAY! Ive been working on learning how to draw the human eye. Been doing eye study and watching tutorials and such. Its been interesting. Perhaps I will get around to improving that self portrait soon. Other than that I am happy because my husbands deployment is finally coming to an end. By the weekend I will hopefully be cuddled up with him catching up an all the frickin awesome shows he made me promise not to watch until he got back... like American Horror Story, Walking Dead, and Game of Thrones. Everyone has been talking about a red wedding... and I have no idea what that means lol! I just have one more day to get through at school and then I can take a breather. So happy!
I had my first encounter with a troll today on deviantart. He/she/it added all my work to albums called Ugly People and Shit. Then posted a comment on my gallery saying "nothing to see here". It got me really thinking about a lot of things. How much I let other people get me down and whatnot. Im not sure what 'ism, 'enia, or 'osis he has that would make him behave so weirdly randomly irrationally hateful but I need to accept that there will always be trolls out there who just enjoy hurting people for no reason. Also his pathetic behavior didn't upset me so much as that I have been feeling so down on myself lately, granted thats fairly common, but lately its been about my art. His mean spirited passive aggression just gave more credence to that voice in my head that says Im worthless. Now I dable in a lot of things obviously quilting to sketching and im not great at any of it, or even good at most of it. But then I stop to think for a minute. Im brand new to art. Ive never allowed myself to take the time out of my busy distracted life to smell the roses... or paint them. Im told even Vincent Van Gogh thought his work was worthless, and he certainly didnt paint Starry Night the first time he picked up a brush. Ive never taken any classes or had any experience doing this stuff. I thought charcoal was for BBQ before last week. Im not saying Ill ever be a Van Gogh or any other great artist, but what I am saying is maybe one day I will be able to express myself, put my soul out there for the world and myself to see, and maybe I wont think its worthless... maybe even love it and thereby love myself. Mushy mushy I know but it is alright. Life is just like that, its a race but only against ourselves. Im going to try everyday to ignore the voice that says Im not good enough, regardless of where it comes from and instead focus on whats good and beautiful and ways to make the things that aren't better. Here is to all those who have been kind and supportive on my journey /cheers!
So I think I found my medium. Today I did my first ever drawing of a horse and my first time using charcoal. It was wonderful, I loved the whole process. I had fun and enjoyed and was pleased with the final product. Im happy that I found something that seems to fit me so perfectly. If that's my first one and it looks like that, what will the tenth one look like? The hundredth? I have been feeling so down lately, it was nice to feel like for the first time I will have a way to express myself, I feel like I can breathe for the very first time in my life.
- Listening to: Sarah Fimm
So I know I don't have any followers here, still a newbie, but I'm bored so WTH. I have trouble coming up with names for my characters, which is weird since I foster kittens and never have trouble naming them. I'm wondering if its because I truly don't know my characters, they need to be developed more in my mind perhaps? Anyone else who has the same problem or any suggestions for interesting, not common names, leave a comment. Thanks!
So I have chronic low self esteem. It is probably a bi-product of growing up in a regressive and oppressive environment, one where being smart was the worst thing you could be and being artsy was analogous to declaring social suicide. Not to mention the difficulty of being a religious, ideological, and orientation minority. I start to write and feel really good about it, but then something flips inside me, and I start telling myself how worthless it all is, how incompetent my skills are, and how my art lacks vision and depth, and my writing is childish and will never be read by anyone. Im wondering how many other 'artists' or 'hobbyist artists' experience the same thing. I was once told that Vincent Van Gogh thought his own work was of poor quality, I don't know if that's true or not but it gives me a little hope that maybe I am just undervaluing myself.
My first day as a deviant! I have been indulging my inner artist lately. Im a newbie to it all so my drawings are rough. Im writing a book as well, which I am hoping to find someone to illustrate. I also dabble in baking, quilting, and sculpting. With practice maybe one day I can be as good of an artist as so many others on this site. Wish me luck!